Whats Up with Pelham 1 2 3?

After I wrote up my thoughts on The Hangover last week, a lot of people reached out and thanked me for the boost to go and see it. So from now, I'm gonna share my opinion on current movies that I've watched. Am I an expert? Absolutely not. But sometimes it’s nice to have an “average guy” help you out if you’re on the fence about dropping your $12.

For a technical and in depth review, read the NY Times. I'm just gonna keep it real...

Last week, I saw Pelham 1 2 3. It was directed by Tony Scott (Enemy of the State) and starred Denzel and Travolta with a lil’ James Gandolfini on the side. Sounds promising, right? But something was missing. It wasn’t getting Hangover buzz. Any time I asked a friend about it, I heard the same response. “Yea, looks pretty cool… Haven’t seen it though.”

So I decided to check it out for myself.

Here’s the deal, it’s a fun ride; a little action here, some suspense there... and as expected, Travolta and Washington do their thing. Also, it's cool to see how the subway system works from the inside (such a crazy, hi-tech system that we totally take for granted). But while it's overall entertaining, the movie’s ending just doesn't have the Sprezz to compete with The Hangover.

Consider my rating system for a movie’s desirability:

• Don’t waste your time
• Don’t waste your money (wait until it’s released on TV)
• Mid week movie
• Friday night flick
• Saturday night extravaganza
  

Pelham was a solid mid week movie, maybe a Friday night flick. You won't regret it but it won't blow you away. Either way, it’s only a matter of time before my man Johnny Depp comes through with Public Enemies and makes this one a distant memory.

(If you liked today's post, show some love and share the link with one friend/coworker who might also enjoy. Thanks.)

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The Watcher

As I get older, I've realized that you want to broaden your horizons in life as much as possible. It's not like you'll ever get burnt from being too cultured.

So this weekend, I paid a visit to the home of some of the world's finest art- The Museum of Modern Art.

Sure, there were some mind boggling exhibits. You name a creative angle and it's been done. But do you know what had me mesmorized the most?

The museum cop. That's right, the museum cop is an interesting character and in my opinion, he doesn't get enough respect. How come there were not 1 but 2 movies dedicated in honor of the mall cop and yet the museum cop gets left in the dust?

I mean this dude stands in place for HOURS inside of a room that's quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Never complains. How does the time pass? All that he does is keep an eye on the visitors. He's basically a professional people watcher.

Does he play games with the other museum cops, like"Hey Bill, what's the over/under for how long fat boy in the seersuckers spends staring at the Picasso?"

Man, it takes some serious discipline to pull off such a job. They don't play around either.

Between you and me, I took my phone out with the intentions of sneakily using the camera feature, a clear no no in the museum world. Please... who was I kidding? The MC wasn't born yesterday. Moments later, I felt his eyes staring me down from across the room.

I looked his way only to see a cold, emotionless statue gripping onto his flashlight holster. Then he shot me a look as if to say, "Don't test me. I'll take you down, cowboy."

He was clearly on his "A game" and I wanted no part of it. I instantly tucked away my phone and wrapped up the tour.

We should all maintain such rock solid focus on the tasks that lay before us. Thanks for the motivation, museum cop. That's Sprezzatura.

(If you liked today's post, show some love and share the link with one friend/coworker who might also enjoy. Thanks.)

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Dr. Bob's 10 Rules for an OGNO

For new readers, OGNO stands for an Official Guys Night Out. We discussed the topic on Monday and Dr. Bob decided to jump in with some of his thoughts.

Remember, the following material is intended for entertainment purposes only. We are not looking to offend people. Please do not take this too seriously. Also, Dr. Bob is NOT me (Steve Rubin).

OK, let's do this...

1. First thing's first. Guys night out means GUYS night out. There is nothing worse than the asshole that brings his girlfriend, wife, fiancée or any other chick along for the night. It is against the rules. The only women that are allowed to be involved with guys night out are the slobs that you pick up while out with the fellas.

2. NO PLANS. Go with the flow. Find a meeting spot and take it from there. Girls plan nights out, guys don't.

3. No grilled chicken or salads! If you go out to eat, order like a man and put your silly little diet on hold for the evening. Eat a steak or grab a burger. God help you if you order brown rice while sitting at my table. Also, drink at dinner and get the party started early! NO WINE.

4. When the bill comes, you divide by the amount of guys at the table and everyone pays the same amount. NO ITEMIZING, chicks do that shit. Don't complain that you didn't drink or that you only ordered a salad when everyone else got T-Bones. See rule #3.

5. Everyone buys a round. Don't be the jerkoff that accepts drinks from his friends and then pulls a Houdini when it is his turn to recipricate.

6. If you are given a shot, you must drink it! No pouring it out, no giving it away! Man up cowboy!

7. NO DRINKING FROM COCKTAIL STAWS!!! You can keep it in the glass but don't you DARE put it to your lips....what are you, 7 years old? The funniest images are those juice heads with tree trunk biceps that drink their redbull/vodkas from a teeny red straw! I thought those jackasses were funny enough already but they somehow manage to raise the bar!

8. Leave the cameras at home. Some of us have wives or girlfriends that would be none too happy if they saw some of the debauchery that takes place. Call me crazy, but when I am getting a lap dance, the last thing that I want to worry about is that a picture of it will end up on Facebook!

9. NO COCK BLOCKING!!! This rule is of the utmost importance, especially if the cockblocker has a significant other at home. What the hell is your problem?? The worst is the cockblocker who is completely oblivious to the cockblockee. The other guys must step in and remove him from the premises ASAP.

10. You get one phone call/text to the wife or girlfriend for the night. Overdoing it will kill the evening's vibes. Don't be that guy in the corner checking in every 10 seconds.......unless of course you left your balls at home with your lady.

So there you have it... Dr. Bob layin' down the law. In the near future, we'd like to get a female's perspective for their respective night. Let me know if you're interested.

With that said, enjoy your weekend and stay sprezzin'...

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Armed With Nothin' But A Rep

Ever see the movie “Taken”? It’s about the kidnapping and selling of young women abroad. Real heavy stuff.

There was one scene in particular, however, with some Sprezz.

Liam Neeson’s character walked up to a ferocious gang of cold blooded thugs very calmly. These men are merciless and kill without a second thought. They’re the type of people that you beg to avoid at all costs. Yet, Liam walked right up and asked to speak with their boss.

At first, the bad guys shot back, “We have no boss”. Ya know, all that tough guy nonsense. The scene is dark and suspenseful. You're ready for him to get blown away just for approaching them.

Instead, he confidently handed them his old partner’s (the country’s head of security) business card as means of an impersonation. After they read the name, he raised his cell phone, explaining that his backup had been spying via satellite and that with the push of a button they would raid the camp.

Now he had their attention. The gangsters agreed to lead him upstairs but first asked if he had a weapon.

(Here it comes…)

Showing no vulnerability to the predators, he slowly nodded towards the false ID and assured them, "Yea, you're holding it."

'Nuff said. They got right to business with him in complete control.

BAM! The raw power of reputation. That, my friends, is Sprezzatura.

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Your Global Getaway

It's rained all month in NY and the relentlessly cloudy weather is depressing! Everyone's been saying that they want to get away.

Well, if you can't afford a 2 week getaway to Greece like my buddy OD (lucky bastard!), don't sweat it because www.sacebee.com's got us covered.

Here's a glimpse of what's out there!

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The Card Saver

Went out to dinner and a club for my buddy Evan's bday on Saturday Night. Always a great combo. The exception is when you have to wake up at 9AM the next morning to catch a Fathers' Day breakfast. That kind of curbs all the fun, but you do what you gotta do.

So I manned up for the big guy and hopped on a train home. Sure, I was groggy and half asleep, but the ride wasn't terrible. Sometimes it's nice to throw on the head phones, kick back, and just day dream.

Completely lost in my own world, I zombie tranced it for about an hour. Eventually, my mind came back into focus and I took a glimpse out the window.

... And then it happened.

The realization occurred that the surroundings looked familiar. Very familiar. Wait a second, this was my stop!

The train doors had to have already been open for at least 5 seconds and I did NOT have the energy to deal with any screw ups. I was getting the hell off this stop at all costs.

Immediately, my adrenaline kicked in and my heart was racing as I grabbed my bag and jetted for the door. What I didn't realize, was that my bag was still open. Once I hopped past the finish line, it was clear that my Fathers' Day cards had fallen out and were left behind.

What was I gonna do? There couldn't possibly be enough time to save them. I was already pushing it with 12 seconds of open door time... To risk anything more would've been suicide!

I needed a miracle. Plain and simple. Standing there aimlessly, like a deer caught in headlights was certainly not going to solve anything.

Then, moments later, a young man popped out from the aisle. He was holding something... the cards. I couldn't believe it. What a saint! He had really bailed me out of the jam.

In this competitive world, we're mostly out for ourselves. On the rare occasions where someone lends you a hand with nothing expected in return, well, that's pretty damn Sprezzatura.

... Are YOU a card saver?

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Yep, It's an OGNO

The text arrived while I was on my way back to the office from CVS.

My schedule was so hectic this week that I had to use my lunch break to buy Father's Day cards. Ever since college graduation, life keeps throwing all these responsibilities my way. What's up with that?

Fortunately, the message was an invite to grab drinks with friends after work. Sounded like a great idea, you gotta love happy hour!

Then I remembered about the cards. What was I gonna do with them all night? I weighed my options. It looked like they'd have to come along for the ride.

And so armed with my small CVS baggy, I met everyone in Times Square. Generally, its best to navigate the Friday Happy Hour cautiously or else you risk burning out too soon. Then you're calling it a night at 8PM and that's just not right.

Of course I wouldn't let that happen and so I paced myself accordingly. A few hours later, the crowd cleared and I was left with my friends Joe, Dan and another Joe.

We were caught in that in between period where it's too early to call it quits but not late enough to hang with the night owls. So we decided to make the call. That's right, it was going to be an OGNO. An Official Guys Night Out.

We busted out the patron shots and got right to work. Then we hopped around the city from one place to the next like makin' memories. It was good times.

A pulsating hangover greeted me the next morning and yet I felt refreshed. Every once in a while ya need a good OGNO to keep balanced.

I even made it through the whole night with my Father's Day cards completely in tact. That's Sprezzatura!

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The Sprezz Handbook: Page 5

JB and I, well you know the routine... Today we discuss GPS-less Cab Drivers and Lazy Sandwich Slicers.

GPS-less Cab Drivers: If you're paid to transport passengers as quickly (or at least pretend to) as possible, wouldn't it make sense to eliminate any risk of getting lost?

You're supposed to be a geographical expert and this little doojigger's just BEGGING to give ya all the answers. But do take advantage? No, you spit in it's face!

When I plop down onto the cab seat, I want to relax... not stress about picking the most efficient route. This is yo' turf, baby!

Besides, these days we're overloaded with technology. As a professional, there's no excuse not to have GPS. Let's go, step your game up!

Lazy Sandwich Slicers: Whatever your task in life, you should take pride in your signature. Yea, that's right. I'm talking to you, Lazy Sandwich Slicers.

After I place an order at a deli or cafe, I want my hero cut completely. Don't quit only 90% of the way!

When I'm left to manually rip the rest apart, well let's just say that its bad news. Somehow, I miscalculate and never end up with 2 symmetrical halves.

Instead, a massacre takes place. A sandwich massacre. You might as well cue the slow motion effects and throw on that skin crawling opera music played in coming attractions.

Inevitably, the bread crust shreds off, there's mayo doused on my pants; and Lord knows that tomatoes, lettuce and cheese are flying everywhere...

It's madness I tell ya, madness... and it needs to stop. Follow through Lazy Sandwich Slicers. Knife to cutting board!

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The Boom Box Biker

My apartment resides directly across the street from a park. When the weather's nice, I try to take advantage and go out for a run. It's usually a great way to reflect and clear my head.

This time, however, my experience was different. It was disturbing.

As usual, I was jogging along the path and everything had started off well enough. The sun was shining, my blood was flowin', and life was good.

I was doing my thing, caught up in my thoughts and some good music. Totally in the zone.

... And then it happened.

Suddenly, the mood was shattered by a loud and grating noise.

I turned around to witness a George Costanza-like figure wearing an 80's jump suit, gliding forward on his bicycle. Attached to him, on a backpack, was one of those old school boom boxes and he was showing absolutely no mercy on the volume!

This was some TERRIBLE music! I'm talking straight up offensive... You should have seen the poor souls trailing directly behind him. They tried their best but it was impossible to ignore the BB's presence. Their facial expressions said it all. It were as if they were trapped in a closet with a stale fart lingering in the air!

There appeared to be no escape. Like clockwork, The Boom Box Biker had an inordinate knack for adjusting his pace to match our every move.

Finally, I could take it no longer. I had to pull off to the side until the offender had passed. What was this dude's problem? Headphones, my man... head phones.

We could all learn from The Boom Box Biker. Everyone has different tastes and you gotta do what makes you happy. Hopefully just not at the expense of others. That's Sprezzatura.

Don't Talk The Air Out Of Your Tires!

Fresh, original, never been done before ideas...

I love coming up with 'em. We all do. It’s exciting. Especially when we think that we're on to something special.

In the past, I'd usually run around telling people my thoughts. We'd discuss them inside out. But then by the time we were done all the excitement was gone and I've move on. It didn’t occur to me what I was doing.

Then I heard this quote by Francis Ford Coppola:

"If you're planning on writing something and you talk about it, you tend to let the air out of the tires and you don't write."

Coppola produced The Godfather. You don’t question the man behind The Godfather.

Protect those tires, baby. Instead of rambling on about how cool your idea WOULD be, spend that energy trying to make it happen. That's Sprezzatura.

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Thanks For Being So Clutch, Hangover!

My friends and I made sure to catch The Hangover on opening night. There's been a ton of hype surrounding the movie (we actually counted 12 billboard ads driving around that day). These guys were talking a big game.

It's about time someone stepped up to the plate. Aside from Judd Appatow & Co. running shit (40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall... etc), we haven't seen any new faces swing for the fences in a while.

But would The Hangover meet expectations? Could it compete with this decade's top comedies- Appatow's work, Anchorman, Meet The Parents, Wedding Crashers, Old School... etc.?

I couldn't wait to find out.

In LA, you can order your specific seats online, so we locked up the most exclusive tickets in the house- mid-court, center view.

Except, when we arrived it turned out that we had clicked on the wrong movie! That's right, we were all set to see Easy Virtue... Terrible.

By the time we cleared up the mistake, the only Hangover seats left resided in the notorious first row.

Yikes, what a downgrade. Why does the front row even exist? If I owned a theater, I would change these seats into a luxury section. It would include spacious leather chairs, a massage and special glasses to comfort your eyes. It's only fair.

Unfortunately, Pacific's The Grove Stadium 14 didn't share my insight.

It didn't matter because the movie hooked me in right from the beginning. I'll save the technical review for the NY Times, here's my version:

"Fresh humor with too many unforgettable characters, scenes and quotes to mention. See the freakin' movie!"

I especially remember thinking back to the most pivotal moment. The ending.

Any movie fan understands the significance of going out with a bang. The finale represents a crossroads that separates the men from the boys; the "cute comedies" from the "unforgettable classics".

Well personally, I think The Hangover took care of business. Go watch for yourself.

We've all been getting sick of the recession. Everyone's hurting one way or another and sometimes you just need a good laugh. These guys really came through. Thanks for being so clutch, Hangover!

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The Sprezz Handbook: Page 4

Once again, my buddy JB and I have jotted down a few helpful notes. Today's topics, well-drinks with straws & ankle pants, relate specifically to men.

Well-drinks & Straws: Gentlemen, you have to be careful with those teeny red straws that accompany your whiskey on the rocks.

I used to wonder why they're even included with the drink. Could it be for hygiene purposes?

Were there too many drunken customers concerned, ya know, in between sucking face with multiple complete strangers all night, that their glasses may have skipped the dishwasher??

Also, if you don’t know any better, the mere insertion of the teeny red straw can suddenly transform your cocktail into a modern day torture chamber.

We’ve all witnessed the goofy guy in the corner with his eyes bulging out of his skull as he sucks back like the Hoover H2800 FloorMate, just PRAYING for a few drops of alcohol! It’s never pretty.

When you’re at the bar, straws are only useful for women to mix their beverage in a slow and seductive fashion, which lets you know they're interested. That’s it.

If you're a man, ditch the straw.

Ankle Pants: A rare breed of individuals exists whose pants do not fully reach their shoes and instead extend merely to their ankles.

There’s something fishy about this. What happened here? Did they have a sudden growth spurt? Did their wives shrink their clothes in the wash?

I can’t imagine they gave clear orders to their tailor, “Now see here, I’m going to need about an inch of sock”.

Especially because there's no appeal in flashin' a little ankle. It doesn’t serve up the warm greeting you’ll find in a smile, nor does it offer the hypnotic effect of womens' cleavage.

In fact, the only ankle-related entertainment comes from making fun of the cankle community, and that's a stretch!

Sadly, the ankle doesn't bring much to the table. Cover those puppies up!

So keep that in mind, enjoy your weekend, and stay sprezzin'...

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The Blackberry Move

The other night, I went out with my buddy Dom. We've been good friends since college and his coworker was celebrating her birthday over happy hour. It was a crazy scene mixed with all different groups of people.

When I arrived, I was too busy ordering a drink and trying to get acclimated, but Dom noticed it right away...

That's right, someone was pulling The Blackberry Move!

We’ve all been there. You’re in a group setting and for whatever reason, at that given moment you just can't seem to vibe with anyone. It's not enjoyable and soon you start to feel disconnected and uncomfortable.

So who can you turn to? Your Blackberry, of course.

When you're on the phone, it's the ultimate escape. You could be organizing plans, receiving unexpectedly great news, or on the verge of closing a lucrative business deal... The sky's the limit.

However, The Blackberry Move is just a temporary fix.

Most of the time, we'd much rather be involved in what's going on around us. Dom knew this and immediately lent a hand to the person in need by including them. You could tell that it was appreciated.

We should always keep our eyes open for The Blackberry Move and be ready to throw out a life boat. That's Sprezzatura.

Tuesday, June 9th!

As you've probably noticed, we've been recycling material lately. It won't be much longer until there are new posts, we're just reorganizing a few things and also looking into redesigning the site.

Going forward, there will be less posts each week. If you haven't subscribed yet... well, subscribe. This way you don't have to check in every day.

Thanks to everyone who's been spreading the word. You're the apricot jelly.

Catch the return of new material on Tuesday, June 9th

- Steve, Pilar, Dr. Bob & JB (who's played a pivotal role in the Sprezz Handbook).

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