For new readers, OGNO stands for an Official Guys Night Out. We discussed the topic on Monday and Dr. Bob decided to jump in with some of his thoughts.
Remember, the following material is intended for entertainment purposes only. We are not looking to offend people. Please do not take this too seriously. Also, Dr. Bob is NOT me (Steve Rubin).
OK, let's do this...
1. First thing's first. Guys night out means GUYS night out. There is nothing worse than the asshole that brings his girlfriend, wife, fiancée or any other chick along for the night. It is against the rules. The only women that are allowed to be involved with guys night out are the slobs that you pick up while out with the fellas.
2. NO PLANS. Go with the flow. Find a meeting spot and take it from there. Girls plan nights out, guys don't.
3. No grilled chicken or salads! If you go out to eat, order like a man and put your silly little diet on hold for the evening. Eat a steak or grab a burger. God help you if you order brown rice while sitting at my table. Also, drink at dinner and get the party started early! NO WINE.
4. When the bill comes, you divide by the amount of guys at the table and everyone pays the same amount. NO ITEMIZING, chicks do that shit. Don't complain that you didn't drink or that you only ordered a salad when everyone else got T-Bones. See rule #3.
5. Everyone buys a round. Don't be the jerkoff that accepts drinks from his friends and then pulls a Houdini when it is his turn to recipricate.
6. If you are given a shot, you must drink it! No pouring it out, no giving it away! Man up cowboy!
7. NO DRINKING FROM COCKTAIL STAWS!!! You can keep it in the glass but don't you DARE put it to your lips....what are you, 7 years old? The funniest images are those juice heads with tree trunk biceps that drink their redbull/vodkas from a teeny red straw! I thought those jackasses were funny enough already but they somehow manage to raise the bar!
8. Leave the cameras at home. Some of us have wives or girlfriends that would be none too happy if they saw some of the debauchery that takes place. Call me crazy, but when I am getting a lap dance, the last thing that I want to worry about is that a picture of it will end up on Facebook!
9. NO COCK BLOCKING!!! This rule is of the utmost importance, especially if the cockblocker has a significant other at home. What the hell is your problem?? The worst is the cockblocker who is completely oblivious to the cockblockee. The other guys must step in and remove him from the premises ASAP.
10. You get one phone call/text to the wife or girlfriend for the night. Overdoing it will kill the evening's vibes. Don't be that guy in the corner checking in every 10 seconds.......unless of course you left your balls at home with your lady.
So there you have it... Dr. Bob layin' down the law. In the near future, we'd like to get a female's perspective for their respective night. Let me know if you're interested.
With that said, enjoy your weekend and stay sprezzin'...
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great post. i have too many friends that need to read this.
ReplyDeletei agree with no camera's rule, when i am sniffing a line of coke off a hookers titty, i don't want that going up on facebook.
ReplyDeleteWow, you need to grow up. Obviously Dr. Bob isn't in a serious relationship...
ReplyDeleteCalm down there it says right at the top "for entertainment only". Obviously, you don't have a sense of humor...
ReplyDeleteI really liked it, funny!
ReplyDeleteDoes Maddog qualify as wine? I say thats a pretty manly, and necessary, drink for a night of debauchery
ReplyDeletemaybe for girls night out.
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT... not sure i am familiar with #9
ReplyDeleteFor the chick who claims that someone needs to grow up.....and I am assuming you are a chick b/c anyone with balls would understand the humor. This is a joke, totally fictional, just like watching movie, take it for what its worth! I guess you must be offended b/c you want your man to call and text you every 6 seconds when he is out with the guys....if you even let him out or did your man turn his balls over to you?
ReplyDeletecalm down there anonymous, it's going to be ok.
ReplyDelete