Hey Kid, Watch Your Mouth!

The new guy.

It’s a tough role to play. Some people love it and others hate it. I’ve certainly had my fair share of experiences.

When I was younger, my parents decided to move into a new school district... right before high school. That was interesting.

Then one summer I decided to head solo to Penn State for a summer study program.

Another summer I worked at a sleep away camp as a counselor and I was the only one there who had never attended the camp.

Then there was college. I was the new guy yet again during my first year at The University of Maryland. I didn’t enter with any intentions of joining a fraternity (especially during the first semester) but my friends were all making the move and so I decided to investigate.

Rush (the process where you explore the different groups) was fantastic. You’re basically wined and dined. If you can picture what heaven appears like to a young man in college (or actually ANY man) this was it: endless supplies of partying, women, interesting and diverse people… the works.

One night the frat organized a poker tournament. It was hard-fought and I ended up taking it down. One of the brothers, who went by the name ‘Binky’, cheered me on along the way. He didn’t do much but still, I was the new guy who had just won some money (nothing crazy) and I felt that it was right to reward his support.

Before I proceed, I should explain the logic behind the actions that I'm about to describe. Back in the day, I held a part-time job at Staples to earn spending money. I worked in the uber-cool business machines section, quite superior to the losers over in the stationary department.

Anyway, one day I was helping a lady carry a scanner out to her car. She wanted to thank me but only had a single dollar bill on her. She turned to me like, “ehh sorry, this is all that I have, go buy yourself a soda or something?” Her tone implied that she was sincerely trying to be nice rather than condescending. For whatever reason, this event stuck in my mind.

Going back to the poker game, I had just taken down the tournament. All eyes were on me and I wanted to show some support to my offensive line, Binky, in this case.

Don’t ask me WHAT I was thinking, but somehow I traced back to the previously described memory. In front of EVERYONE, I directed my attention to Binky, handed him a dollar, and suggested, “Hey thanks a lot pal, why don’t you go buy yourself a soda.”

Only everyone watching had mistakenly interpreted my gesture as some cocky punk implying, “Now see here, squirt, out of my way... Here’s a dollar, go take hike.”

... And that was the end of me. Next thing I know the room was FLOODED with “OHHHHHs!!!” like I had just bitch slapped the kid in front of a sold out Madison Square Garden.

That's right, I totally bottled the bag!

Interestingly enough, I would end up to joining the fraternity (yea SAM). You can imagine how enjoyable the pledging process was for me after such a wonderful first impression.

Always consider your audience, and if you’re going to share a reference with others then make sure that it will be understood correctly. That’s Sprezzatura.