Friday Fun With Dr. Bob: The Call

** WARNING: ** Before you take in the following information, please keep in mind that the material is mildly explicit. If you intend on reading further, it's highly suggested that you proceed with a non-judgmental mindset as well as a sense of humor. Do NOT take this seriously!

Abby M: It's a Saturday night and I'd like to reach out to a guy I've already been out with on a single date. I want my phone call to seem casual, but not appear to be a booty call. Dr. Bob, is this possible?

(For new readers, as far as dating is concerned, Dr. Bob has "been there and done that". Quite the charmer in his day, Dr. Bob recently had his first child with his lovely wife Jodi. He's graduated from the dating scene but is more than happy to share his pearls of wisdom.)

Dr. Bob: Now Abby, lets assume that this guy is mildly attracted to you.......

From a male perspective, there is no way to interpret a woman's Saturday night phone call as anything other than a BOOTY CALL! While you are still on the phone, your man is flexing in the mirror and thrusting his hips back and forth as he does the booty slap dance. Any friends on site are sure to exchange high fives as they participate in the same wacky dance (Think Knocked Up, it's true.)

From there begins all his planning, scheming, and questioning. Does she want to meet up with me and my friends? Is she expecting me to meet up with her friends? Are we supposed to meet each other with our own entourages? What if she brings a single plain slice eating friend, will one of my boys dive on this grenade?

Then he'll start cleaning the house; the sports trophies are dusted off, and the porn gets stashed away under his bed. Sure, maybe he subtly leaves a playboy lying around so he can share with you how he really "reads" the articles but you'll see right through that when you notice multiple pages stuck together. The point is that his whole night now revolves around sexy time!

By this point, he's already started bragging to his friends and has set the expectation that you are "a ho... FO SHO"! Meanwhile, his friends raise the stakes and start laying 4-1 odds on him totally striking out for the night! The bets are made, pregame drinks are flowing and IT IS ON!!!!

Ladies, this is a tough route to take. Let's say you meet up and decide to take that trip to Pleasure Town... GREAT! Everyone (hopefully) has a jolly old time and you can then proceed to the pivotal third date. On a side note, you should feel free to use the Saturday night call as your own lil' "pizza test". Think about it.

However, remember, your intention is not to be thought of as a booty call. This might seem harsh, but if you end up getting together and then leave with no plans of "bouncin' up on it", you are OUT..... like the back of Kurt Cobain's head! You can't put these pieces back together ( I know, that was in poor taste).

I say this because your man is going to be monumentally frustrated and disappointed, while viewing you as nothing more than a big rooster tease. As a result, he'll head straight for the bar just before last call and order 6 shots in order to drown away the whole experience.

Your target will inevitably harbor even more ill will the next morning when he wakes up extremely hung over, next to the consolation prize that he was forced to scramble up prior to closing time. He's going to dread explaining to some woman with a gold tooth, a patch over her eye, and a Harley Davidson tattoo on her neck that the front door is broken and that she will be leaving via the fire escape.

To make matters worse, he may have been too drunk to remember his jimmy hat. Now the real panic sets in and he'll be terrified of receiving a call from the Maury Povich show on Father's Day; a fear that will remain with him for the next 18 years.

Ladies, this is CLEARLY all of your fault because you decided to lead him on during a Saturday night. Call us on a Tuesday!