Today the Sprezz handbook covers rude diners, over packers, and condescending vegetarians. Dr. Bob (remember Dr. Bob is NOT Steve Rubin) will explain why all three are unacceptable.
*** Warning: Before you take in the following information, please keep in mind that the material is mildly explicit. If you intend on reading further, it's highly suggested that you proceed with a non-judgmental mindset as well as a sense of humor. It's ONLY entertainment.***
Here is Dr. Bob's rant:
1. Rude Diners: This should be common sense. You should NEVER complain about the service at a restaurant. At the very least, if you are going to, please find a way to do so at your own expense.
Does this really need an explanation?
When you act like an asshole, you're bound to receive a little extra "sour cream" on your baked potato, if you catch my drift. Do you really think that some schmuck earning $7 an hour wants to hear you bitch and moan over what's most likely nonsense?
Quit snapping your fingers and speaking in that obnoxious tone. Get over yourself! If the service sucks, don't tip. It’s that simple. NEVER mess with anybody who has access to your meal before you receive it. You’ll only end up taking down everyone else with you!
2. Over packers: There is a lot of pressure when packing for a trip. Sure, you want to feel prepared; I’d rather have too much than be at a loss for stuff but let’s be clear, there are some ground rules.
First, it depends on where you're going. If you are leaving the country then feel free to jam as much shit in as you can. On the other hand, lighten up if you are staying in the US. There's a CVS and shopping malls on every corner in America. The worst case scenario is that you go fork over a little dough.
Next, are you a man or a woman? Men, this is important. You may bring ONE suitcase along with a carry on....THAT’S IT.
How much more shit could you possibly need? One pair of jeans for the week, one set of swim trunks and a bunch of shirts; If you can't fit that in 2 bags then you are really a woman and should consider having your f*cking genitals removed!
Now it’s time to put the women in their place. Ladies, WTF is your problem!? Not only do you habitually over pack but you tend to require at least 7 bags to do so! You need a bag for clothes, a bag for the hair dryer, a bag for the make up, a garment bag for the dress that you might wear if we choose to go somewhere nice, and then (most bizarre of all)... a suitcase just for your shoes!
As a heterosexual male, this is something I will never understand. The worst part is that you need US (the men) to carry all of your shit!
3. Condescending Vegetarians (CVs): We are all entitled to our own preferences. I understand and respect that, but you people (yes I said “you people”) think you're SO special because you don't eat meat. Then (and this is what pisses me off) you have the nerve to preach to the rest of us about OUR lifestyle!
Are you kidding me? I wouldn't mind chopping the CVs into little pieces and making sausages out of all of you! I also have a problem with the ones who double as animal rights activists. You're the assholes who eat shit like tofu "meat"balls and then pretend like you really can't tell the difference.
Come on! It's enough already, you can tell the difference… and if you really want a meatball then why are you eating tofu!?! You have to be careful when taking the CVs anywhere. They'll probably talk down to the waiter like they do everyone else and put the rest of their party at risk. (See rule 1.)
I can't take credit for this group, but there is an alternative PETA that should be recognized: "People for Eating Tasty Animals"..... BRILLIANT. Think about it logically, the animals are dead so either we eat them or else they’ve died for nothing!
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about ordering veal which even offends some carnivores. You can be sure that I'll confirm that the veal was raised in a box with JUST its head sticking out and only fed milk (hold all sides of broccoli).
Condescending vegetarians, this meal is my dedication to you... and if you don't like it, well then suck my zucchini and lick my tomatoes!
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*** Warning: Before you take in the following information, please keep in mind that the material is mildly explicit. If you intend on reading further, it's highly suggested that you proceed with a non-judgmental mindset as well as a sense of humor. It's ONLY entertainment.***
Here is Dr. Bob's rant:
1. Rude Diners: This should be common sense. You should NEVER complain about the service at a restaurant. At the very least, if you are going to, please find a way to do so at your own expense.
Does this really need an explanation?
When you act like an asshole, you're bound to receive a little extra "sour cream" on your baked potato, if you catch my drift. Do you really think that some schmuck earning $7 an hour wants to hear you bitch and moan over what's most likely nonsense?
Quit snapping your fingers and speaking in that obnoxious tone. Get over yourself! If the service sucks, don't tip. It’s that simple. NEVER mess with anybody who has access to your meal before you receive it. You’ll only end up taking down everyone else with you!
2. Over packers: There is a lot of pressure when packing for a trip. Sure, you want to feel prepared; I’d rather have too much than be at a loss for stuff but let’s be clear, there are some ground rules.
First, it depends on where you're going. If you are leaving the country then feel free to jam as much shit in as you can. On the other hand, lighten up if you are staying in the US. There's a CVS and shopping malls on every corner in America. The worst case scenario is that you go fork over a little dough.
Next, are you a man or a woman? Men, this is important. You may bring ONE suitcase along with a carry on....THAT’S IT.
How much more shit could you possibly need? One pair of jeans for the week, one set of swim trunks and a bunch of shirts; If you can't fit that in 2 bags then you are really a woman and should consider having your f*cking genitals removed!
Now it’s time to put the women in their place. Ladies, WTF is your problem!? Not only do you habitually over pack but you tend to require at least 7 bags to do so! You need a bag for clothes, a bag for the hair dryer, a bag for the make up, a garment bag for the dress that you might wear if we choose to go somewhere nice, and then (most bizarre of all)... a suitcase just for your shoes!
As a heterosexual male, this is something I will never understand. The worst part is that you need US (the men) to carry all of your shit!
3. Condescending Vegetarians (CVs): We are all entitled to our own preferences. I understand and respect that, but you people (yes I said “you people”) think you're SO special because you don't eat meat. Then (and this is what pisses me off) you have the nerve to preach to the rest of us about OUR lifestyle!
Are you kidding me? I wouldn't mind chopping the CVs into little pieces and making sausages out of all of you! I also have a problem with the ones who double as animal rights activists. You're the assholes who eat shit like tofu "meat"balls and then pretend like you really can't tell the difference.
Come on! It's enough already, you can tell the difference… and if you really want a meatball then why are you eating tofu!?! You have to be careful when taking the CVs anywhere. They'll probably talk down to the waiter like they do everyone else and put the rest of their party at risk. (See rule 1.)
I can't take credit for this group, but there is an alternative PETA that should be recognized: "People for Eating Tasty Animals"..... BRILLIANT. Think about it logically, the animals are dead so either we eat them or else they’ve died for nothing!
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about ordering veal which even offends some carnivores. You can be sure that I'll confirm that the veal was raised in a box with JUST its head sticking out and only fed milk (hold all sides of broccoli).
Condescending vegetarians, this meal is my dedication to you... and if you don't like it, well then suck my zucchini and lick my tomatoes!
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your the man DB!!
ReplyDeleteholla holla holla
ReplyDeleteAs a vegetarian, I have to say you're way off on this one Dr. Bob.
ReplyDeleteTofu > meatballs. Any place, any time!
The shoe suitcase is KEY!
ReplyDeleteI never thought DB was Steve, but now I am almost positive, HIV positive, taht Steve is dr bob
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete