The Park Slope Grand Finale!

For 2 years I've been living in Park Slope, Brooklyn and never ventured out to the local night life. It's a nice area but I've always felt a little out of place (everyone here's raising young families... who's got time for that??) and so I've done my bar hopping in Manhattan.

Well, I'm finally moving to the promise land in a week and my roommate, Matt, and I decided that we had to give Park Slope ONE shot before we bounce!



There's something exhilarating about embracing a care free summer night in a foreign area where you don't know a soul. Armed with the right amount of vodka, a night with zero expectations can feel like a dreamworld. I agreed to play wing man for my newly single roommate and we hit a list of bars that were referred to us by his coworker.

On the way over, I couldn't help but second guess my actions over the past couple of years. What if one of these bars was actually good? What if a Brooklyn utopia existed that required specific Park Slope ID to get in and was filled with the finest of women who fed you grapes, Dove dark chocolates and waved those breezy large vine leaves while giving in to your wildest sexual favors?? Had I missed the boat?!

I hoped otherwise...

And so we set forth on our night. After about an hour it was pretty uneventful. There were no secret bars, no dark chocolate and no fun people to talk to. Still, that's the beauty of zero expectations. We decided to check out the last destination on the list before calling it a night.

Immediately as we walked in, Matt tugged on my shoulder- "Steve, we GOTTA go mack it with them shawties over there!". Just kidding, he doesn't really talk like that. But he showed interest and we went to introduce ourselves.



So we walked over all smooth, started up a little chit chat and Matt bought the ladies a couple of drinks. The conversation was flowing.... Good vibes. For a guy who just got back in the game my man was killin' it! He had em laughing, smiling, I mean the dude was working magic. It was like watching a puppet master.

I was happy for him. It really looked like he had found his groove.

And then, just as I'm kickin back and enjoying the show, my wing woman (or whatever the term would be?) leaned in and whispered in my ears the only words that can simultaneously let you down and yet turn you on... but mostly just let you down:

"You guys know we're lesbians, right?"

...Tough break, Matt. You'll get 'em next time.

In the meantime, good bye, Park Slope. It's been real.