Give The People What THEY Want!

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Thanksgiving.

My family hosted and had a bunch of cousins over for the day. Well, if you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing this, let me explain that hosting is not a simple task.

First, you have to decide what you’re going to serve. Sure, turkey is pretty much guaranteed but what about roast beef, meat loaf, or brisket? We all have our favorites and we couldn’t seem to get on the same page but we REALLY wanted everyone else to be happy… So we got it all.

Who wouldn't love that?

Another responsibility as the host is to pass around the various appetizers. For me personally, the toughest part is the soup. I always refer to this task as “the walk of death”. It feels like an Olympic event while you balance the boiling liquid from the kitchen to the dining room. Almost like a tight rope walk. You know what I’m talking about, right?

Still, I handled it like a champ and everything was going smoothly. There was great conversation, lots of laughs and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. All the signs of a successful job hosting Thanksgiving were in place.

And then it happened… Entrée time, baby.

We brought out ALL the big guns- the turkey, the meat loaf, the brisket... even the roast beef. I was in heaven as I’m scarfing it all down a mile a minute.

But something was clearly wrong. About half of our guests weren’t touching their plates. They didn’t even take a serving. It was odd, if not insulting.

Finally, my mom called them out:
“Guys, enjoy… We had everything catered in, it’s supposed to be top notch… No really, don’t hold back…”.

And it was about that time that we learned……….. they were all vegetarians!

If you’re the host, always do your best to give the people what THEY want. That's Sprezzatura.

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Do NOT Pass up The Scalloped Potatoes!

During lunch the other day, I went with my manager, Harvey, over to Café Charlies, or 'C squared' as we've dubbed the local café. We were in a rush and decided to hit the buffet.

I’m a relatively healthy eater and knew what I wanted right away. Clearly, I was going to use the spinach-filled chicken as my foundation. That sets the tone for the meal. From there I'd throw in a few vegetables, maybe a little rice and call it a day.

Then, just as I was signing my receipt, I heard the phrase nobody wants to hear…

“Rookie mistake, Rubin.”

I turned around to find my manager giving me a disapproving loook. We had been having a successful day at the office and so I was confused.

Then I noticed what he was referring to. Regarding the buffet, I had rushed in and out at a pace that would have left a bank robber jealous. In doing so, I completely missed the scallop potatoes being offered. You have to understand... C squared NEVER offers scalloped potatoes and they looked incredible. This was terrible.

Some people take their time in preparing before a decision. They will thoroughly analyze all the possibilities and try to visualize the outcomes.

I’m definitely not one of those people. I tend to listen to my gut, thrive on making progress and believe that if you’re not moving forward then you’re slipping. After all, most mistakes can be adjusted on the fly.

But today there was no absolving my erroneous ways. Who knows the next time they’ll offer more scalloped potatoes? I doubt it will be any time soon and until that fateful day, I will be left with regret.

Save yourself from any potential frustration. Have you scoped out the landscape (however briefly) before pulling the trigger on your decisions today?

The Mysterious Grey Button

One day back in college, I decided to order a water cooler for my apartment. When the delivery man arrived, I noticed the contraption he carried had three buttons: red, grey, and blue.

Red clearly represented hot, and blue released cold water. That was obvious.

But then there was the grey button. I realized it had to be a compromise of some sorts. But who would want moderately warm water? What purpose could this serve?

I had to find out.

When I asked the service man, he explained to me that temperate water hydrates the body much quicker than cold water.

Now this I could use. Especially in college, where drinking was frequently taking its toll on my body.

Today, I can’t picture my morning WITHOUT the grey button. It eases me into the day. Rather than the blue button's harsh 'liquid ice' wreaking havoc on my throat, the temperate H20 soothingly refuels my tank in the AM.

How often do you go through your routines, completely oblivious to something from which you could possibly benefit?

Take the time to explore. You never know what kind of treasure you’ll find.

Ask about the mysterious grey button.

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Just Another Day In The Life...

If you've ever seen the comedy Zoolander, then hopefully we can agree that:

1. The movie is absolutely hysterical.
2. It basically DESTROYS the idea of male models.

Growing up, while I've often tussled with the idea of becoming an actor, I NEVER considered pursuing a modeling career. Sure, I like to try (key word) and dress well but not to the extent of those GQ characters in the magazines.

Then, one day things changed. What could have possibly happened?
I'll break it down for you...

It was a sunny Friday afternoon, I had the day off from work, and was leaving the gym. As you can probably guess, on the walk home I was conceding to my addiction (my ipod) and it was definitely John Mayer weather/vibes.

I'm walking back to my apartment, minding my own business, when out of nowhere some bald man with one arm flags me down in a huff.

Bald, One-armed man: "Excuse me sir. I'm sorry to bother you but have you ever modeled?"

(OH COME ON... Like you wouldn't be flattered? Who are you kidding??)

Me: "Nah, never."

Bald, one-armed man: "You would be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT for our upcoming shoot."

Now he had my attention. First off, I'd meet some smokin' women, right? Then, who knows what doors could be opened. Maybe I could get into acting.
(Note: This was back when I was an accountant and the number crunching left me unsatisfied. I love Recruiting - Accounting & Corporate Finance)

Besides, I had just broken up with my girlfriend and the thought alone was great;
"Oh heyyyy... How are you?? Your new boyfriends a really NICE guy? I'm happy for you. Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner, ya know, I've just been so busy traveling the world modeling with ridiculously good looking women..."

I was starting to get excited.

Me: "Oh yea? What are we talking, Armani? Dolce & Gabanna? I'm sure you can understand I have to pick the right brand and cultivate my image."

Bald, one-armed man: (Kind of amused, like "this guy is CLUELESS", and responding in a very matter of fact, "take it or leave it" tone) "Abercrombie & Fitch..... For Kids."

Although I was insulted, I still decided to hear more. The bald, one-armed man called an associate and basically informed me that I'd be heading to their Park Avenue office to meet with some important lady.

After asking a bunch of questions to ensure that this wasn't a scam, I then showered and headed into midtown. When I arrived at the office, there was a flock of beautiful women just hanging around. If you think I wasn't going to milk this for all it's worth, you're crazy.

(Puffing out my chest) "Excuse me ladies, would one of you please point me in the direction of the modeling agency. I'm only asking because I've been invited to become a model... and I need to speak with some very important people. I'm sure that you, my fellow comrades in the modeling world, can understand."

My blatant attempt to brag/impress actually got a few smiles, along with the directions that I needed.

When I met with the important lady, I was asked a few standard questions. She was all about getting down to business.

Important lady: "First off, who's your agent?"
Me: "My agent? I'm an accountant who was at the gym..."

Important lady: "Hmmm... Ok. Well, what do you weigh?"
Me: "I haven't checked my weight in 5 years."

Important lady: "How tall are you?"
Me: "Well I used to be 5'10 back in high school so I HAVE to be at least 6 foot... If that helps at all."

Somehow, I don't think I was making a great impression.

Long story short, I was then thrown into a room like a prisoner of war with a few photographers. It started out all nice and simple. All they asked was for me to smile.

Then I was told to kindly remove my shirt. (Starting to get a little awkard...)

Only it wasn't over. That's right, they then proceeded to strip me of my clothes while taking pictures like I was a piece of meat! Oh, the horror!

Finally, an assistant thanked me for my time, explained that my pictures would be kept in a directory for the right occassion, and that I would receive a call if my services were needed.

I never did get that call. But you know what? It was one hell of a ride.

Sometimes it's just fun to daydream... and partaking in different experiences always makes you more interesting as a person.

That's Sprezzatura. Besides, I'll always have Zoolander to live through vicariously.

The Quest For 3 Snowballs

I recently overheard a conversation between a man named Desmond and his friends. Nobody's perfect, we all have areas of improvement, and Desmond was currently overweight.

Apparently, he had gotten together with family over the weekend. One night they had been having a pleasant evening, conversing in the kitchen over coffee. It was snowing and Desmond's young nephew entered the room and informed the group that he would like to build a snowman.

Naturally, the young man looked to his mother for advice on how to go about his mission. She explained that he should begin by making 3 giant snowballs and then placing them on top of one another. Throw in a carrot for a nose, and he'd be all set.

But then the nephew fired back, "I want to make a snowman that looks like Uncle Desmond so should I just make one GIANT snowball?"

That's right, the little bugger was basically implying Desmond had the physique of... well, a meatball!

The reason Desmond brought up the story was to share that he would be attacking his problem head on. He realized that it was causing him unhappiness and rather than procrastinating or indulging in self-pity, he set out to take control and improve the situation.

Let's wish him luck on his quest. After all, everyone deserves 3 snowballs.

... How do YOU react to life's wake-up calls?

Now Those Were The Days...

Ever have one of those moments where you're lost in your iPod world?

If it's the right song, you start singing (thinking that you're alone) and then suddenly, someone pops up from behind! Now you're caught hands in the cookie jar pulling a Crazy Muffin Lady (CML)...

Well, that happened to me this morning. I got nailed!

Much like the CML, however, I couldn't have cared less. The music that I was enjoying was classic and it deserved the appreciation. I've always had a great respect for history and tradition.

At the same tone, with Memorial Day just around the corner and it being almost 4 months since we kicked off Sprezz Central, we're going to recognize some throwback posts.

It's only a matter of time before today's remembered as one of "Those days". Plus, it'll give new readers a chance to catch up on Sprezz references.

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STOP Goin' Crazy

The following video has developed quite a buzz over the internet and was referred to us by web designer Steven Alvarez.
(Check out his work at http://www.stevenalvarez.com/ )

As demonstrated in the clip, when we try TOO HARD and think through every last detail of what we've set out to accomplish... well, we tend to go crazy! Sticking to simplicity is usually more natural... more effective... and more Sprezzatura.

We've mentioned this before and the video nails it! Take a look, it's less than 5 minutes but will stick with you:

"Redesigning The Stop Sign"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwqPYeTSYng

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Thanks For Being So Clutch, Superman!

Not only is Dwight Howard an incredibly talented basketball player but he's also quite the entertainer.

As a fan of the game, I love that. I remember watching with my friends when he threw on the cape during 2008's NBA slam dunk contest and officially earned the name "Superman". Everyone went nuts! Those are memories that stick with you.

Yes, Mr. Howard has natural charisma-- something that you're either born with or not. On the other hand, up until this weekend, he hadn't displayed enough of a "take charge" attitude that's expected from a true leader.

Even though the ballplayer is only 24 years old, he is expected to win championships for his team... immediately. Physically, Dwight's blessed with amazing coordination and the framework of a MAC truck (6'11 feet tall and 265 lbs), so he's expected to be the BEST, right up there with LeBron James.

But did he have it in him? We weren't sure.

The playoffs have been extremely competitive this year. A few matchups (including Dwight's) have seen their series play out to the maximum of 7 games. These are the make or break moments that fans live for. Competition at it's finest.

Everyone doubted Dwight Howard and blamed him for not being aggressive enough. So he demonstrated Sprezzatura and took his fate into his own hands. After consulting with the veterans and lots of self-evaluation, we finally saw a change.

This weekend Superman stepped up to the plate. Rather than waiting until game time, he immediately lead by example. He set the tone during shooting practice, inside the locker room, etc. Dwight Howard worked on the little things behind the scenes that make a difference.

It was necessary because his squad was competing on the road (huge uphill battle) against the defending champs, the Boston Celtics- who Pilar asked me to add "suck!". Come game time actions speak louder than words. This was it, his chance to shine or to supply his critics with fresh ammunition.

As a fine example of Sprezzatura, Dwight put all his tools to work, he left nothing on the table, and played a major role in securing the victory. That's right, Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic are moving on to face LeBron!

Thanks for being so clutch in an extremely hard fought series, Superman.

(See Sprezz Cred for picture sources)

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Crazy Muffin Lady

People often ask me, "Steve, you and Pilar release new material EVERY day... How do you keep coming up the different topics?".

Ideally, I like to set some aside time over the weekend for writing and I'll kick back with coffee and a muffin. Take it from me, if you want to get the ideas flowing, there's nothing quite like dousing a sugar rush with a healthy dose of caffeine. Makes ya feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

This weekend was no different and I entered my local provider, Connecticut Muffins, extremely focused on my selection.

Would I go with a classic, like blueberry? Blueberry's been around the block and has survived the test of time.

Or perhaps I would take the Cherrys & Berrys route? I was even pondering Pumpkin, the up and coming contender which has been known to pack a wallop.

Yet, in the end, I busted out the big guns and selected... Chocolate Chip Walnut. Yea baby, now were talkin'!

It was a feel good moment. I knew that my taste buds were in for a real treat. Plus, Saturday night was right around the corner. There was a buzz inside of Connecticut Muffin as the small cafe blasted the upbeat "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani.

... And then it happened.

I heard a voice from within the room join Gwen and start singing along. Like out loud... Really.

It turned out to be the woman standing behind me in line. At first, I was doubting my instincts. After all, nobody sings while waiting on line at a coffee shop, right? There's other people around. It's unusual... and embarrassing. Unless you're a performer, that type of behavior is supposed to be reserved for when you're in private, like in the shower or your bedroom.

The rest of my muffin eating patrons appeared to have been equally in awe but the crazy lady showed no regard and continued vocalizing her appreciation for the song. She even started throwing in her own hooks!

A few seconds later, Crazy Muffin Lady was humming a solo and I began to wonder what was going to stop this woman. Would she completely let loose and start harmonizing?? At this point, I was prepared for anything.

Then, as corny as it sounds, I have to admit that I loosened up and actually caught myself smiling. Somehow her genuine enthusiasm hit me with the "life is too short" vibe and rubbed off on me like the swine flu (too soon?).

She was in a great mood and felt the need to sing for the moment... so why judge? We should all be so lucky to enjoy the ride as much as Crazy Muffin Lady.

And so it seems that while I love my coffee & muffin combo for churning out ideas, every once in a while if you just keep your eyes open... sometimes the material jumps onto the page for ya.

(See Sprezz Cred for picture sources)

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The Sprezz Handbook: Page 3

Today the Sprezz handbook covers magic potions, heavy gym breathers and oblivious giant umbrella holders. My friend Johnny Boy helped with most of today's issue, if you have any suggestions for future topics please e-mail us your ideas!

Magic Potions: The other day at GNC, I noticed all of these different energy drinks. You know what I'm talking about, those mini bottles that claim to give you an amazing boost with no crash (which sounds pretty suspicious to me). Doesn't it seem like it's getting out of hand? First it was 5, now they have ones offering 6 and even 7 hours of energy!

When will it end? And are there actually customers out there thinking "Hmm... 7 would be overkill but 5’s not enough.. I’m going to need the 6 hour energy drink!"?? Anyone with Sprezz doesn't need to rely on magic to perform.


Heavy Gym Breathers: It's understood that you're supposed to inhale and exhale while lifting weights. We get it... but don't be one of those people that take it too far. I work out to enjoy myself and relieve stress, so the last thing that I need is Hurricane Andrew all up in my face! Heavy breathers at the gym, please show some composure and keep it in your pants.

Oblivious Giant Umbrella Holders: For anyone that works in a busy city like Manhattan, everything is time sensitive and you move at a face pace. Rainy weather sucks because if you don't spring for a cab you end up dodging puddles left and right. It's like an Olympic event and these offenders only add fuel to the fire.

The Oblivious Giant Umbrella Holders come flying out of nowhere with their massive weapons of destruction that take up half the sidewalk. Then they show complete disregard for civilian traffic while bobbling around aimlessly like they had just gotten kicked out of a bar. I don't remember signing up for a jousting match.

You know that it's only a matter of time before somebody's losing an eye. Pay attention to what you're doing, Oblivious Giant Umbrella Holders. Watch out with those things!

(Pics came from http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/TAJ1298.jpg and http://www.paulryburn.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/energy.jpg

MOOvin' On Up!

The next time that you're unhappy with a situation or feel like you're going in the wrong direction, just think of Molly the cow.

Pilar recently came across an article on http://www.yahoo.com

Here's the short version:
"Molly the cow narrowly escaped death when she fled from a New York City slaughterhouse. Running through the streets, dodging cars and angry butchers, the rogue cow was eventually corralled by mounted police. Her great escape paid off, however, and she is now enjoying her freedom at a farm sanctuary in Long Island."

Are you as willing to do whatever it takes to get to the promised land?

Molly was... and now she's living the good life. That's Sprezzatura.

(Tomorrow we'll release the next page of the Sprezz Handbook. It'll cover magic potions, heavy gym breathers and more!)

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Sorry, But You Can't Recycle The Bomb.

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't share the following story. I just hope it's not too late. Please, dearest readers, assure me that none of you are recycling the bomb!

Here's what I'm talking about:

As my friends know, I love watching stand up comedy. Can you think of many tasks more challenging than winning over a crowd of complete strangers?

I was watching an act on TV where one comedian (I forgot his name) was really doing his thing. His act was brilliant and relentlessly funny. You know it's solid material when you find yourself belly laughing!

At one point, he began mocking airport signs; specifically one that explicitly stated "no bombs allowed." Aside from the absurd idea that the reminder was deemed necessary, the accompanying picture was equally ridiculous. It was one of those old-school bombs that you might see back in the day (think a road runner cartoon). Ya know, with a wick protruding from a bowling bowl.

His point was that in this day and age, what kind of terrorist would actually roll up with one of these bad boys?!

The joke was delivered perfectly and really stuck with me. I even remember trying to pull it off for my dad and younger sister.

Unfortunately, my version wasn't nearly as good. In fact, they both gave me a look like I had down syndrome. Little did I know, I wouldn't be the only one attempting to replicate the bomb joke...

A few weeks later, I was watching another act. It was mediocre; certainly nothing special. Then this guy began to describe an airport sign informing the public that bombs are illegal. The funniest part, he claimed, was the picture, which... well yea, you get the point. It was the same routine!

After witnessing such blatant plagiarism*, I was instantly turned off and changed the channel. If you enjoy something and want to pass it on (I often do with links and shout outs) be sure to credit the rightful owner.

Stealing someone else's swagger? That's definitely not Sprezzatura.

Recycling the bomb will only blow up in your face!

* I realize I have no proof who came up with the joke first but for the sake of the post let's just assume comedian #2 is the punk. Thanks.

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An Innocent Craving Leads to Disaster!

The following link lists a man's observations while waiting on a never ending KFC line. Pay attention so that you handle yourself in a Sprezz-like manner should you find yourself in a similar situation.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/flipping-out-in-a-kentucky-fried-chicken/

Here are a few highlights:

(after suffering through a series of slow orderers, finally some relief)
OK, this guy’s cool. Two piece combo, pays cash, stands off to the side. Yes! That is how a playa orders at KFC! Do you see how simple it can be?

That’s great. This guy just saved me like a minute. I’m going to give him a little nod. Let him know I saw what he did there and appreciate it.

OK, that seemed to freak him out. I shouldn’t have done that.

(a different observation later in the article)
She’s a trainee employee. OK, I feel a little bad for this girl. That right there is a shitty, shitty way to earn $7 an hour. Some people have shitty jobs, but they work outside, or make tips or get to go home not smelling of chicken. Not her.

I’m going to tip her. I’ll do it. It will be so cool. She will be all “That’s six-thirty-five please,” and I’ll hand her a 10 and say, “make it eight.”

What am I thinking? Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender.

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The Bird Shit Story

Everyone is getting pumped up with summer just around the corner. We all have our memories and there's one in particular that I'll never forget.

It was a beautiful day and I was out on a first date. We thought it would be fun to grab some gelato and walk around while enjoying the sunny weather. This was my first time trying the dessert and I was impressed. The place that had she picked had all different flavors and crazy toppings... they even had sandwich style gelatos.

Every last bite was savored and the Italian treats really hit the spot. Now the moment felt right. You know what I'm talking about, it was time to go in for that pivotal first kiss.

As far as I know, there are 2 preferred methods of execution:

1. The "Hitch" approach, where you gaze into her eyes and then lean in about 90% while hoping that she meets you. It's a conservative approach because you can always adjust midway if it appears like you may face rejection.

2. The "Get over here!" approach, where you resort to a primal beast and just take charge. This requires more confidence.

Since it was our first date, I was a little nervous... but if I didn't take action soon then it was going to become awkward so I converted my procrastination into an eye gaze.

(Here we go...)

Then, just as I was about to lean forward, I felt a wet sensation from out of nowhere. It was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Certainly not part of the plan!

I traced the source back to my arm and there I saw it... bird shit. That's right, I had gotten cock blocked by a freakin' pigeon!

It was shocking and really threw me off. Fortunately, my date was much quicker on her toes. She laughed and then suggested that we should get a lottery ticket because bird shit is a sign of good luck . I wasn't sure if she had just made that up to lighten the moment or not but it was appreciated.

Anyone with Sprezzatura goes out of there way to break the ice and make others feel comfortable. Loyal readers will get the reference- she sweet talked an ostrich burger.

By the way, ladies... do you prefer choice 1 or 2 regarding the first kiss?

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The Sprezz Handbook: Page 2 (With Dr. Bob)

Today the Sprezz handbook covers rude diners, over packers, and condescending vegetarians. Dr. Bob (remember Dr. Bob is NOT Steve Rubin) will explain why all three are unacceptable.

*** Warning: Before you take in the following information, please keep in mind that the material is mildly explicit. If you intend on reading further, it's highly suggested that you proceed with a non-judgmental mindset as well as a sense of humor. It's ONLY entertainment.***

Here is Dr. Bob's rant:

1. Rude Diners: This should be common sense. You should NEVER complain about the service at a restaurant. At the very least, if you are going to, please find a way to do so at your own expense.

Does this really need an explanation?

When you act like an asshole, you're bound to receive a little extra "sour cream" on your baked potato, if you catch my drift. Do you really think that some schmuck earning $7 an hour wants to hear you bitch and moan over what's most likely nonsense?

Quit snapping your fingers and speaking in that obnoxious tone. Get over yourself! If the service sucks, don't tip. It’s that simple. NEVER mess with anybody who has access to your meal before you receive it. You’ll only end up taking down everyone else with you!

2. Over packers: There is a lot of pressure when packing for a trip. Sure, you want to feel prepared; I’d rather have too much than be at a loss for stuff but let’s be clear, there are some ground rules.

First, it depends on where you're going. If you are leaving the country then feel free to jam as much shit in as you can. On the other hand, lighten up if you are staying in the US. There's a CVS and shopping malls on every corner in America. The worst case scenario is that you go fork over a little dough.

Next, are you a man or a woman? Men, this is important. You may bring ONE suitcase along with a carry on....THAT’S IT.

How much more shit could you possibly need? One pair of jeans for the week, one set of swim trunks and a bunch of shirts; If you can't fit that in 2 bags then you are really a woman and should consider having your f*cking genitals removed!

Now it’s time to put the women in their place. Ladies, WTF is your problem!? Not only do you habitually over pack but you tend to require at least 7 bags to do so! You need a bag for clothes, a bag for the hair dryer, a bag for the make up, a garment bag for the dress that you might wear if we choose to go somewhere nice, and then (most bizarre of all)... a suitcase just for your shoes!

As a heterosexual male, this is something I will never understand. The worst part is that you need US (the men) to carry all of your shit!

3. Condescending Vegetarians (CVs): We are all entitled to our own preferences. I understand and respect that, but you people (yes I said “you people”) think you're SO special because you don't eat meat. Then (and this is what pisses me off) you have the nerve to preach to the rest of us about OUR lifestyle!

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't mind chopping the CVs into little pieces and making sausages out of all of you! I also have a problem with the ones who double as animal rights activists. You're the assholes who eat shit like tofu "meat"balls and then pretend like you really can't tell the difference.

Come on! It's enough already, you can tell the difference… and if you really want a meatball then why are you eating tofu!?! You have to be careful when taking the CVs anywhere. They'll probably talk down to the waiter like they do everyone else and put the rest of their party at risk. (See rule 1.)

I can't take credit for this group, but there is an alternative PETA that should be recognized: "People for Eating Tasty Animals"..... BRILLIANT. Think about it logically, the animals are dead so either we eat them or else they’ve died for nothing!

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about ordering veal which even offends some carnivores. You can be sure that I'll confirm that the veal was raised in a box with JUST its head sticking out and only fed milk (hold all sides of broccoli).

Condescending vegetarians, this meal is my dedication to you... and if you don't like it, well then suck my zucchini and lick my tomatoes!

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Fear vs. Primetime! (One for the Ages)

(This is the story of a heated rivalry between my old man and one of my college buddies. It requires 2-3 minutes of your attention so set aside the time for when you can focus.)

Hey Sprezz reader, can you predict the future?

I can't (nor can anyone that I know) and yet every year about 40 of my friends and my dad try to anyway. We're in a league where you're supposed to predetermine which football team will win each game throughout the season.

Do you know anyone that competes in a triathlon? There's usually something about the challenge's longevity that attracts them. Well, all of that physical exertion is way too demanding for us and so this is OUR triathlon. Trust me, it's a true test of mental endurance.

In honor of my Alma Mater (what's up UMD), my dad goes by the alias "Fear The Turtle" and he has developed quite a track record. He's either won or come in second place 3 of the past 4 years. Such an achievement is no simple task in this competitive league.

First, let me paint you a picture regarding my old man. He's quite a character. Picture the personality and mannerisms of DeNiro, crossed with the looks of Tony LaRussa (Click the links, the pictures NAIL it!).

That's him.

Now consider his habits. Every week, he saves all these different sports articles for further review. The way he treats them, you would think it was material reserved for the CIA! He thinks he's so slick (like I don't know that he hides it in his upstairs office).

Still, as much as I love busting his chops, the results speak for themselves. Somehow, some way, the man picks winners.

This year, he started off slow and steady as usual. Then with the passing of time, 'Fear The Turtle' began to pull ahead. Incidentally, this brewed a rivalry with "Primetime", my friend Scott Fink, as the pair separated themselves from the pack.

You may recall the name Scott Fink from when my roommate called him out in a comment back during the Pizza Test. In case you missed it:

"Amster said...

I had Pizza with Scott Fink last weekend at the end of a Friday night. The pizza place was known for special slices particularly the artichoke slice. Rather than ordering the special slice he ordered a plain slice of pizza. He made his girlfriend order the special slice so he could just "try" it. He only ate half of the plain and made our other friend who was driving the car finish it.......total failure."

Haha it's all love Fink. Besides, what Scotty boy lacked at the Pizza parlor, he made up for last season with his football instincts. He was like Matt Damon in Rounders, "Hanging around, hanging around... Kid's got alligator blood. Can't get rid of him".

Week after week, "Fear" and "Primetime" kept exchanging first and second place. They were like George Foreman and Joe Frazier duking it out back in the day.

The best parts were the verbal jabs. It got to the point where any time we were on the phone, my dad would remind me, "Hey when you see your boy "Primetime", you make sure and let him know that he can't hang with the turtle!"

(Note: If you've ever seen The Departed, there's a scene where a man mocks Leonard DiCaprio's character for ordering a cranberry juice at a bar. He's like, "Huh? You ordered a "cranberry juice?" Just the way he says it insinuates "girly man...". Well that's exactly how my dad verbalized "Primetime"- using the "girly man..." tone.)

Staying true to his word, "Fear" pulled ahead as the final week arrived. If all went according to plan, he would finish as the undisputed champion. Keep in mind that the prize money's nice but in this competition ego is EVERYTHING!

Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to squash his foe, my dad locked himself up in his office. I've never seen a man so focused!

He poured through his research and statistics for days before finally entering his predictions. However, this time he didn't seem like himself. It was obvious that he had over thought the scenarios.

Later that night came the moment of truth. Well, are you ready for the outcome?

Fink had caught up with him ("Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!"), and after a whole season of hard work and talking smack, there was no clear cut winner. They both had to swallow an extremely unsatisfying TIE!

Right then and there my dad was reminded that sometimes you can get yourself into trouble when you over speculate every detail. Gotta stay sprezzin' and stay simple.

As for what lies ahead, I already mentioned that I can't predict the future. Still, if I had to guess, I'd say he'll be back and with a vengeance. You can count on that.

So until next season, Fear The Turtle...

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Not Animal Racists.

First off, Mother's Day is right around the corner so you should be thinking about cards and gifts. Obviously, with cards, you want to make the right statement. Pilar showed me this website... Pretty solid, check it out.

http://www.baldguygreetings.com/servlet/Detail?no=94

Now, for today's (remember it's Philanthropy Day) post.

It seems like we always talk about people when discussing Sprezzatura, so today we're gonna switch it up and show an animal some love.

This walrus is awesome. I want him as a pet. Then again, I don't really have the time to care for it. Maybe I can work it in somehow as a Mother's Day gift. (Can you imagine her reaction...)

Anyway, click the YouTube video and get ready to smile (I actually laughed out loud). It's completely safe and only a minute long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g4Yb4saA7Y


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An Extra Mile (All Yours)

This weekend I was blessed with a visit from two of my closest friends, OD and his girlfriend Kat. OD and I went to the University of Maryland together and he has since moved to California.

Having access to a luxurious apartment in Manhattan, he called over a few people to watch the basketball playoffs prior to a night out in the city.

Well, let me tell you, I was pumped for a great night. Who doesn't love the reunions? All the ingredients were in place:

-Saturday Night
-A fun group
-Playoffs
-Drinks
-Great weather
-The City

You would think that's as good as it gets, right? I did.

... And then it happened.

Bam!

The closet door FLEW open and out popped our good friend Byron! He had quietly made the trip from MD and everyone was pretty slick in keeping the news under wraps until my arrival.

It was awesome. You gotta love it when people go the extra mile and throw in an unexpected bonus. That's Sprezzatura.

(For the record, if you don't think we milked the "Wow, Byron finally came out of the closet" jokes for all they're worth, you're crazy.)

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Hey Alarm Clock, Thanks.

Do you show enough love to your supporters?

For example, what about your alarm clock? It goes out of its way each and every day to make sure your lazy ass gets you where you need to be on time. The alarm clock asks nothing in return for its services and yet still, how do we treat it?

- We slam it!
- We scream at it to take a hike.
- We ignore it.
- We throw it against a wall.
- We lead it on with the “snooze” button (No really, alarm clock, you’re doing a great job! Keep it up and get back to me in 10 minutes…).

Do you EVER smile and appreciate your alarm clock? Nope.

Instead, it’s treated like a major disturbance, when in fact we ASKED for the help!

Put yourself in it’s shoes. What would YOU do? We’ve all witnessed the more common approaches:

- The polite, soft sounding ringer. It isn't too loud or offensive; more like, "Excuse me sir, hate to bother you, but you’re cutting it pretty close. Perhaps you could consider starting your day?"
- The 5 year old whiny child approach (an irritating noise like the scratching of a chalk board that's sure to get under your skin and prevent further sleep.)
- The upbeat music player that tries to convince you that waking up is fun… (We don’t buy it.)
- The blasting horns; similar to your significant other (who is tired of constantly reminding you) finally blaring out "Hey a**hole, you’re a grown man… Wake the hell up and get to work!

I've yet to find a method that anyone enjoys being greeted with in the AM.

We tend to shoot the messenger and the alarm clock is victimized. It’s positive role in our lives often (inexcusably) goes unnoticed. Anyone with Sprezzatura should be keenly aware of and thankful for their supporters.

.… Do you appreciate the "alarm clocks" in your life?

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Comments

Just a heads up- comments are are back up (and encouraged). If you are a subscriber, please keep this in mind rather than replying directly to the daily e-mails.

April's Sprezz of the Month

It came… and it went. That’s right, another month in the books means its time to recap April's Sprezz/Spazzes (think heroes/villains).

April was pretty eventful. On the Sprezz side, we have to acknowledge the U.S. Navy snipers for taking care of the Somali pirates in a “Thanks For Being So Clutch!” fashion. They really took care of business and defused the situation. Captain Richard Phillips was also extremely Sprezz in selflessly offering himself as a hostage in an attempt to save his crew.

(Did you know? A 16 year old pirate who surrendered could provide the first American piracy trial in 2 centuries! Could make for an interesting pay-per-view…)

On the other hand, we have the 8 high school Spazzes from Queens who brought back some unforgettable memories from their Spring Break in Mexico… Along with, oh yea, Swine Flu!

(Did you know? Pilar D’Agnese (Editor) is also a product of Queen’s St. Francis Prep high school. Though as far as I'm aware, she would never facilitate the spreading one of the most threatening and contagious viruses known to man. Then again, how well do you really know people?)

Anyway, just thinking about what can happen with this whole epidemic freaks me out so let’s move along to another Spazz of the month. Do you know who also deserves to be recognized? Whoever's responsible for one of Obama’s Boeing 747s buzzing through the Manhattan skyline without tipping off the public!

You don’t think that a heads up may would've been considerate? Really?

This “approved activity” (apparently a photo op) was intended to be kept quiet and caused a mad panic. Terrorized people actually evacuated buildings and fled for their lives!

We already have enough crap to deal with between the effects of the recession, pirate ambushes and freakin’ pigs taking us out left and right…

The government should have been more responsible. More selfless. More like the Navy or Richard Phillips. More Sprezzatura.

That’s April ’09, enjoy the weekend…

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